One of my kids has been the voice of Santa for many years after his major attempt at making sure he was believable by making tracks on the roof and leaving a bicycle for his 5 year old leaning against the chimney because "it wouldn't fit." The latest effort:
Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas to the Peterson Family!
Cyber Santa is coming to you from Lola's computer. You don't know how much Santa appreciates the fact that you left the computer on for me to write you a little thank-you note. If all gift recipients were to do what the Peterson's have done, Santa wouldn't have to pay overtime to the reindeer. This evening's trip could be done in the traditional 8 hours rather than the 16 hours it has take for the last 2000 years.
Hey, that is no exaggeration,folks. You figure that old Santa can type 55 words a minute with no errors compared to the 17 words a minute that I use to dictate to Carla and then Edith has to edit, well shoot, that is 38 seconds saved per home times 2.7 billion homes and yes, race fans, Santa would be faster than Jimmy Johnson at Talladega. Who are Carla and Edith you ask? Well, they are both reassigned to the "Letter to Santa Reply Department" which will make them happy, both don't really like the high altitudes and never did get reindeer humor. Moving along on the improved efficiency Santa doesn't need Carla the Copy Queen and Edith the Editor to proof my work, which leaves room for two more elves in the sleigh which makes present sorting and delivery so much more efficient. I'm not sure how to market this for it to spread by next year.....Hmmmmmmmmm......
I have it!!! Lola, use your blog to spread the word. I know you weren't' a card carrying member of the TEA Party but could you be the lead marketer of the newly created JESUS Party? This is a neat way to spread the word that if people help Cyber Santa be more efficient by leaving their computer, I-phone or any suitable device turned on, it will save Santa time and make sure the North Pole Enterprises doesn't go bankrupt. Lola, use your Blog to start the message and just like any worthwhile grass roots movement it will grow and be a huge success. And just think--if you do this for Cyber Santa you will also be reminding the entire world of the reason for the season, JESUS, at the same time. Santa is smarter than you thought, eh?
More questions I see...Why is Santa calling it the JESUS Party? Good question, I got ahead of myself and didn't explain this very well, although as smart as the Peterson family is I thought you would have it figured out by now. Yes, Miss 97% Anna Kate....., don't you know? Mr. Stanford man, any guesses.....? Well, Cyber Santa needs to get to Indiana by 12:18 to keep on schedule so I'll just tell you.
S Saves time
Not bad for a spur of the moment thing, eh?
Hey, before I go, it must be said, Thanks for the Georgia Peterson's to come north for Christmas, and Aunt Kath from the Carolina's for birthdays.
PS. Not to be a downer but I get so mad when Santa is taken for granted. Paula, didn't you read the fine print in the metal roof literature? Oh, stupid me, you are like your Dad, you don't read manuals...Anyway, all owners of metal roofs are supposed to contact Santa by December 23rd to alert Santa and his team of the new "slippery" roof surface. I now have two reindeer on the DL, one with a torn hoof and the other with a black and blue nose instead of a red one. As your brother so lovingly reminds us, "it is not always about you."
Well, Merry Christmas, and say a prayer for Santa and the quick recovery of his team.
PSS. The cookies were great as usual, don't be mad but I shared them with Bo.
There you have it--including a few inside the family references which brought huge laughs, but when Santa asks, we accommodate, right?
Trusting that your Christmas was blessed, Merry Christmas! (Now I'm going to start doing my Christmas cards which will carry the notice that my Christmas Season starts with Advent but doesn't end until Epiphany--just a bit of rationalization.)